Husband. Family man. Real estate agent. Pastor. Friend. Son. Blogger. Mentor. Speaker. Property Manager. Official spider exterminator. These are some of the “hats” that I wear. Fill in the blank here _____________. I’m sure your list is as long if not longer than mine. As men we fill a lot of roles inside and outside of our home.
The question is NOT “How do I wear all the hats?” The question is “How do I wear the right hats?” Ask the right question and you’ll be one step closer to the right answer.
I have classically been a “Yes” man, a professional dreamer, forward thinker and a man of high energy with lots of ideas. I have discovered that you cannot actually create 25 hours in a 24 hour day. Don’t waste your time. I have also discovered that I cannot clone myself to do more than one thing at a time.
…my decisions, commitments and responsibilities did not just affect me anymore.
I can get my priorities out of order really quick. The people that feel the effects first are my wife and kids. I’ll never forget “one of those moments” where your wife says something that’s a 2×4 to the face. It was early on in our marriage. I think we had Azariah at the time. I was in ministry. New dad. New husband. Leading a youth group. Still trying to spend time with friends like I was single. And when I came home one evening Lydia looked at me and said “Garrett, I feel like when you’re here, you’re not really HERE.” Wham. One thing I love about my wife is that she’s a straight shooter. It hurt that she felt like I was emotionally disengaged but it jolted me and got me to realize that my decisions, commitments and responsibilities did not just affect me anymore.
So again the question is “How do I wear the right hats?” Well here are 3 other questions to help you answer the important one.
1. Does this align with my mission, callings, or goals?
This question assumes that you know these things so step 1 is to define them if you have not. Then once you get more clarity on where you’re headed you will be able to filter decisions. Here are some examples of my mission, callings, and goals (some of these may change or evolve).
My mission is…
- to lead, inspire and empower those in my circle of influence to connect with God, themselves and others.
My calling is…
- To be Jesus to my wife and kids.
- Plant churches.
- Invest in marriages and families.
My goals are…
- to start a ministry focused on empowering Christ-centered healthy marriages.
- To plant house churches.
- Create passive income to help support our ministry.
2. By saying Yes to this, what am I saying No to?
I know. This question makes every 7 on the enneagram cringe. You cannot have your cake and eat it too. When you say yes to something, automatically you are saying no to something else. Saying yes to picking up extra hours at work is saying no to spending time with your family. Saying yes to helping someone move on a Saturday is saying no to getting your own house work done. Obviously not bad things but it helps you understand the cost.
3. Will I look back on my life and regret doing/not doing this?
This question helps me throw aside time wasters, bad habits, overcome fears and do hard things. When someone is on their deathbed often what comes out of their mouth is full of wisdom because they see their life with more clarity now that time is short. What are you doing now that if you were older you would regret? What are you NOT doing now that if you were older you would regret?
As Lion-Hearted Men we want to live with intention and priority so that we can live without regret and purposelessness. These questions will serve you well in keeping the main things, the main thing.
Pick one of these 3 questions. Write it down. Put it somewhere visible.