Meekness is not weakness:
Dave is in his sixties now. A former cop in Atlanta, he has been in some of the toughest situations law enforcement has to offer. Having raised a number of girls he is no stranger to fatherhood and playing dress up. He’s now a pastor and Bible teacher. Dave is a man’s man. If you were in a fight he would be the guy you would want on your side (and if the fight you’re in happens to be with him…just walk away). At the same time he’s also the guy you would want for your grandpa growing up because he’s tender and kind. This may seem like a random list of details but it’s important that you get a picture of who Dave is. In my time getting to know him here is what strikes me about Dave: He knows how to use his strength.
All men have God-given strength (I’m not referring to the circumference of your biceps). There’s a time to fight, circle the camp, get angry, pick up a sword and stand our ground. There is also a time to lift up, carry, support, encourage, and wrap our arms around someone.
Meekness describes a man who knows how to control his strength. He knows when to pick up the sword or the hammer, when to fight and when to build.
Here are 3 impacts physical affection from dads has on their children:
- It models what strength IS. I love wrestling with Azariah! It’s a dad thing. It teaches him a portion of what strength is but there is another side. My dad taught me that it was good for a man to be tender in his words and actions. Every time I go home to visit my parents when I see my dad he still walks up to me, gives me the biggest hug and says “My boy.” Our sons need to see that strength is so much more than just hard-work, getting our hands dirty, and wrestling. It’s also tender.
- It brings a sense of safety. If Tirzah wants comforted then Lydia wins but if she wants to feel safe I win. When we hug our kids, hold our kids, kiss our kids, put a hand on the shoulder, our mere presence brings a sense of safety. It has been my observation that when a child feels safe, then they feel free to grow and develop. This applies to toddlers and teenagers alike. Safety is the second most important need on Maslow’s Pyramid.
- It builds emotional connection. One of the greatest needs a child has is to feel emotionally connected with their dad. Statistics are rampant of negative effects on people who had fractured relationships with their fathers. Reinforcing a job well done with a pat on the back, a hug at the door for your teenager who had a long day at school, or a kiss on the forehead at night before they go to bed all builds emotional connection! Communication is not just what is said but what is heard. If what we are communicating is not heard by our children then we are not communicating well. Interacting with your kids physically solidifies what is said.
If this is new for you I have two words of encouragement: start small and press through the awkward. When we as fathers use our strength affectionately to build-up, affirm, or provide a sense of security our homes will come alive, be filled with more laughter, feel safer and flourish!