Where Patience Comes From:
It’s 5:30pm. I just walked in the atrium door of our house from a long day of meetings to find that an explosion had gone off. This must be the only explanation for why EVERY toy has been not only removed from the toy box but strategically scattered around the living room. Through my dull headache and increasing frustration, I hear the unmistakable cry of Tirzah who’s scowling at Azariah across the room who seems to be holding the toy she wants. I look at Lydia who is simultaneously negotiating peace between the big kids, feeding an unhappy Elia in her high chair and making supper. This situation requires many things but one quality that is most definitely needed is: patience.
Patience is the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset. There is a reason that it is a fruit of the Holy Spirit because it is as unnatural for us as humans as breathing underwater. Not only are we expected to be patient, but our children desperately need it from us. So how do we be patient when parenting is so chaotic? Here are 3 statements that help me:
1. The root of patience is love. This is not a quality you can grunt out of yourself (for real, don’t try too hard or you’ll hurt something). It’s an outworking of pure, unselfish, sacrificial love (1 Cor 13:4). As we know and grow in God’s love ourselves we cannot help but be more patient parents. It is cause and effect. Garrett 3 ½ years ago had a drastically smaller threshold of patience than Garrett now because I’ve grown in my love for Christ. Be rooted in God’s love.
It’s an outworking of pure, unselfish, sacrificial love…
2. Have accurate expectations. My impatience shows when I have a certain expectation (often unspoken) for a situation like getting to church! It is when my expectation is not met that my patience is thrown out the window and I become the Hulk. When I expect my kids to take longer than anticipated, take articles of clothing off after I put them on, be resistant to a new food, or to get cranky when it’s past their nap time then it tips me off that they will need some patience from me. If we are honest, especially as dads, we can be guilty of having unrealistic expectations. I mean shouldn’t my 3 year-old be able to get himself ready for bed in a timely and efficient manner? Reframe your expectations.
3. Margin is your friend. Margin? Ha. What a joke. Is that even possible as a young dad? Yes, yes it is. It’s just very difficult to create. Margin is time during our day or week that is unspoken for. It has no agenda. It is time that is free from responsibility. And it is vital. Parenting is chaotic no matter how old your kids. it’s in the place of margin that you refuel. There’s a direct correlation between my patience and margin in life. In seasons of business and little margin I become irritable and impatient. In seasons of margin and quiet time I’m a more patient husband and father. Create margin!
Understanding these 3 statements will make you a more patient father and will change your interaction with your kids.