Wrapping up our series we will discuss what the pillars are that support a strong family culture. Please fight the urge to skim over these because you may think them obvious, redundant, or simple. I have found that what is keeping us from achieving our goals in life is not the lack of new information but the lack of applying the things we already know. No doubt that you’re already embodying some or all of these values. So ask yourself this question instead; “Where is there the most room for us to grow?” These are in no particular order and this list is not exhaustive, but here are 5 foundations to building a strong family culture…
It is one of the greatest acts of love to give that which is most precious.
- Quality Time. The most precious resource in life is time. How we use it says more than our words. Simply put, families that value and love each other spend time together. It is one of the greatest acts of love to give that which is most precious. And let’s face it, time is the hardest thing to give to someone. Nothing makes us more agitated so fast as when someone wastes our time (I’m looking at you persona going 45 in a 55). Strong families don’t just spend quantitative time together but qualitative time. It is both quantity and quality that counts in this game. Quality time means your attention is fixed on each other, there is interaction with one another, bonding occurs, memories and jokes are shared, and there is excitement at the thought of getting together.
- Clear Communication. Clarity and communication are the ingredients for safe relationships. Imagine playing a game that you didn’t know the rules to, or walking into a group where you didn’t know what was socially accepted. Strong family cultures are one’s where mom and dad communicate often with each other and with the kids. There is conversation with one another. Expectations are put out in the open. It is clear what kind of behavior is accepted and what is not and where words and actions are sending the same congruent message.
- Culture of Honor. This is incredibly important. Strong family cultures honor each other. There is a healthy intolerance towards behavior from siblings that belittle, make fun of, or squash each other. The kids watch dad speak tenderly and patiently to mom. They watch mom support and speak positively of dad. Everyone is trying to out serve one another! (Side note: Don’t misunderstand me in thinking that there are not selfish moments, or bad days but this should be the goal and what we as parents strive for and champion).
- Safe Environment. Strong family cultures create a home environment that feels safe. When the family is home, doors are open, parents and kids congregate together is the family room, there is access to each other and it is a place of rest, not a place of uncertainty, chaos, or self-preservation.
- Unconditional Love. Love covers a multitude of sins. This is the blanket that wraps all of these into one. When mom and dad love each other and love the kids with an unconditional love, then Jesus enters the picture. He is modeled, expressed and celebrated. It is this love that will cause us to bear with the selfishness of our kids, endure the challenge of parenting, be patient in the chaos, and continue to open our hearts when we wound each other.
Some closing thoughts. First of all, we do not perfectly live out these values. We try, fail, get back up and keep fighting for them though. Don’t get discouraged at where you are not. Look at where you are (which might require some painful honesty) and START taking steps towards these. Celebrate the small wins. Shrug off the bad days. Receive grace, then receive it again, and maybe one more time. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER stop pursuing them. Trust in the power of prayer for God to mold hard little hearts (or big hearts) and watch him build your family on Himself! You can do this man of God!
Next Week: “How a busy schedule affects the kids.”