Punishment or Discipline?
6 pairs of underwear. That’s how many pairs 4 year-old me put on minutes before my dad came into my room to spank me with his massive hands for hitting my sister. 21 years later, now a dad of 3, I am the one with the massive hands walking down the hallway.
Discipline is a concept that many of us know from experience. If we were all to share how our dads and moms did this we would find a variety of answers; from switches to soap in the mouth, from belts to the good ol’ fashion time-out (especially effective on us extroverts).
Methods vary but the principles are the same. It’s absolutely crucial that we come at this with the right lens because in the process we are imaging God to our children. How we as earthly fathers discipline our children will inevitably influence their view of the heavenly Father. Here are 3 statements about Biblical discipline:
- It’s always done in love. Maybe this goes without saying but how many times does our tone of voice, our stomping down the hall, severe threats, or reactive and aggressive behavior reveal a different motive? If love is patient, kind, not arrogant, rude, irritable or resentful, does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but it bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things then our kids should feel these things when we discipline them (1 Cor 13:4-7).
- It’s goal is life and restoration. Azariah pushed Elia down causing the back of her head to hit our unforgiving tile floor. I took him back to his room explaining what was about to happen and the pain he had caused her. As I talked I told him how I didn’t like to spank him but it was to help him love his sister. My goal in this instance was not to inflict pain, make a point or punish him. It was ultimately to help bring about change that would bring life in him and restore his relationship with Elia.
- It is never punishment. There is a distinct difference between discipline and punishment in the Bible. God punishes the guilty but he never punishes his children (Heb 12:7-8). Every spank, grounding, time-out, or consequence should communicate “You are my child. I love you and want great things for your life!”, not “You are guilty so here is the punishment fitting your crime.” It’s the difference between parenting with the Law and Grace.
The law does a very good job of exposing your child’s sin, but it has no power whatsoever to deliver your child from it. -Paul Tripp
I’ll be the first to say that I fall short of imaging God as the patient, unconditionally loving Father that He is. But I will be the first to also say that I’m striving to discipline my children as if it were Jesus himself having a conversation with Azariah on his knee after having just hit his sister. Chances are that today you and I will have an opportunity to correct our sons or daughters. Will it be in love? Will it seek to restore? Will it communicate that they are our child whom we unconditionally love?
If we can take on the heart of the Father for our children through the way we discipline then we they will not just know the Gospel but experience it!