How to Encourage Sibling Affection

We were taking a family walk down the country road our house is located on a couple of nights ago. With our sweet Valco triple stroller (FB Marketplace for the win) in hand we made our way to a barn where we visit Brownie Batter and Oreo Cyclone (two of our bovine friends). As we were walking Azariah looks at Tirzah and says “Hey sis, can I hold your hand?” At this point both Lydia and I melted into the pavement right there. It was the sweetest thing. As they walked hand-in-hand down the road it struck me how important it is to help cultivate strong and affectionate sibling in our family where we respect our kids, they respect us, and they respect each other. It’s this idea that we are all trying to outdo each other in showing more honor to the other. Every father wants his kids to have a good relationship among themselves so how do you cultivate this. After all you are the one who determines what the culture in your family is like. Well from one dad who’s stumbling forward to another, here is what we are trying to do and we think that it seems to be working…

1. Be intolerant towards behavior that tears down. Give and inch and they take a mile. When Azariah yells at Tirzah out of anger we jump on that not letting it slip by. I know. You are thinking “I have to catch EVERY little hurtful thing that my kid says or does?” The answer is yes, you do. At first it will feel overwhelming but as you set a new precedent the kids adapt and begin to see that there are consequences to those kinds of words and actions. 
2. Highlight the wins. When your son shares a toy with the baby, or your daughter goes to get her sister’s water bottle CELEBRATE THE WIN. Shout that puppy from the rooftops. Stop what you are doing and stop them from what they are doing and walk them through how awesome that is. I go over the top with a lot of things (if you know me then it is no surprise) and this is one of them. It is more important for your kids to see what you are FOR than what you are against. 
3. Set the standard for what affection is. Kids define their world by what they see around them (in fact all of us do) so they are looking at you dad to see the affection you give mom and them. We want our kids to be patient with each other. Am I patient with them? We want our kids to share and be selfless. Am I selfless in my actions with the family. We want our kids to speak kindly to their brother or sister. Do I speak kindly to my wife? 
4. Be a relationship coach. I try very hard to coach my kids on the basics of what makes healthy relationships. For example, when one of our kids does something dishonoring or hurtful to the other, we will slow down (usually on the front-end of discipline) and show them two things. First their actions are not honoring to Jesus and secondly there is a very practical side to damaging relationships with that kind of behavior. We want our kids to see that if you treat someone that way then they will not want to be your friend or play with you. We want them to see that they are not just hurting the other person but themselves!

If we can consistently follow these principles then we are setting our kids up to have lasting relationships with each other! Onward and upward Lion-Hearted Man