It has been a minute but I’m back on the saddle. I just started a new job in real estate and admittedly have been struggling to find a good rhythm in life here lately which is why I am writing this post. I once heard a quote that said…
One “yes” must be defended over time by 1,000 “nos.
Wow isn’t this so true? Life was so simple when you had ample time and didn’t feel constraints on how to spend it. Go here and do that? Sure, why not? Make this commitment without thinking about it? Meh, YOLO. Stay up till 3am and sleep in until noon? Childs play.
Gone are the days that I can on a whim agree to something and I am sure that the same is true for you. Not only do we have more going on but as a guy in a career with endless opportunity I could let my work consume me. I could take every open house. I can always meet new people. I can be more active on social media. I could spend time versing myself with all the houses in our market. It could NEVER end. But we have to draw the line somewhere.
In my mind there are two issues that are major struggles for us as parents.
- Getting consumed with our work.
AND
- Prioritizing family.
The other day it was Bubby’s birthday and we had made plans that evening as a family to celebrate together. 5:30 rolls around and I’m still with some buyers that I was helping write a contract on a house they liked. By the time I rolled in for dinner it was 6:20. Azariah didn’t know that I was late by 50 minutes, but I did. Now maybe you’re thinking “What’s the big deal?” or “Sometimes those things happen.” And yes, I agree that it isn’t the end of the world however it was an eye-opener that in the career of Real Estate every evening could be like this if I let it. It made me realize that in order for this to work for my family then I would need to establish some clear boundaries to make sure it doesn’t get out of control. One vital skill in parenting is the ability to make course corrections when you begin to drift out of alignment with your values and priorities. I once read about the difference between “balance” and “balancing.” Balance is impossible because on this side of heaven things never find perfect harmony. Does this mean we give up pursuing it? Absolutely not. The answer is balancing. It is the act of making micro-adjustments. Counter-balances. Like a hairy Scottish man competing in the Highland games running on those logs in a kilt that it too short, we lean one way and then another, constantly adjusting our schedules, commitments, energies, and thoughts to make sure our families stay above the water.
We will have days where we get home late. Days where we have to put work in on a Saturday. Times where you need to step away and take a phone call. These things by themselves aren’t bad. But is this the norm? Is it an unspoken rule that dad is always “on-call”? Does supper start without us? Are our sons surprised when they get time with just us? Do our kids and wives feel like they are competing with our work for attention?
If the answer is yes to any of the above examples then it’s probably time to make some course corrections. Life is too short to miss the 18 precious years we’ve been given with our children. No man gets to the end of his life and says “I wish I would have spent more time at the office” or “I wish I would have picked up more over-time.” Far many more men say “I wish I could get that time back with my wife and kids.”
Wisdom is taking that truth and applying it now before we find ourselves in a hospital bed feeling the weight of regret or missed opportunity.