Guy I graduated Highschool with-“What’d you do with the past 5 years of your life?”
Me- “Idk. Had 4 kids. What about you?”
(The above scenario is how I imagine catching up with someone at a highschool class reunion)
4 kids 4 and under [by the time Jan 9th comes around]. It has been a whirlwind from the time Lydia and I got married until now. I always tell people that getting married puts you on God’s fast track for sanctification and having kids really puts you on the fast track to be sanctified. Over the past 4ish years of being a dad here are 4 reflections I hope to pass on to you as first-time dads, not-yet dads, or already dads.
- Understand how short these years really are. We are now at the point in our family where Azariah enforces the rule TO ME!!! Yesterday morning I was going to eat a bowl of oatmeal in the living room and Azariah says “Dad…in the kitchen please.” By now I am sure that you are realizing that time is flyyyying by so fast with or without kids. Men we do not want to get to a place in life where we look back on these years with major regret. I love this quote, “Wherever you are, be all there.” This is the challenge that we fight everyday which leads me to my second reflection…
- Seize moments along the way. “We will go on vacation when the kids get older”, “I will be more interactive when I can wrestle with my son”, “I am working hard now so that I can give my kids a better life later.” Often these types of statements are used to excuse our absence whether it be physical or emotional. WAITING=MISSING OUT in this game. The baby and toddler years are a vapor, here today and gone tomorrow. Unfortunately they are quick but essential in our kid’s development. You have to learn to seize moments along the way. Waiting to seize moments means that they will come and go. Make time to take a day trip to the zoo. Put your phone down in the evenings and at dinner. The paperwork will be there. There will be more of everything else except that 5 year old little boy. He will never be 5 again.
- Dying to self and saying “No.” Being a dad of 4 under 4 has taught me the importance of dying to self. On the couch a couple of nights ago Lydia and I were talking about all of the things that we have given up or are choosing not to pursue because it would take away from us being parents in this season of life. I admit that it is hard at times (thus why it’s called dying to self) but I have no regrets in the choices we have made. Dying to self and saying “No” to opportunities as they come often go hand in hand. By saying Yes to one thing, you are saying no to something else. The opposite is true.
- The power of “I Get To…” vs. “I Have To…” The battle between these two perspectives has never felt more real than at 2am with a frantic baby who will not go to bed. Many a nights have I thrown myself a pity party and many times the Holy Spirit has whispered, “Garrett you GET TO wake up with this little baby girl.” This shift in mindset has changed the way that I go about being a father. There are numerous moments throughout the day that require an “I GET to” mindset vs. “I HAVE to.”
There are many more lessons that I have and am learning. It doesn’t take 4 kids to have learned these things. It only takes one!!! Keep pressing in and pressing on Lion-Hearted Men!