The bedtime routine in the Gatton house starts around 7:55. We clean up toys, brush teeth, get into the jam jams, sing a couple of songs, read a Bible story, pray, do a team chant, dish out some kisses then “get in bed” (more accurately described as a series of negotiation tactics that play out over the next 30 minutes including things like bathroom trips, getting drinks of water and searching for that stuffed animal at the bottom of the toy box. Once all is quiet it is around 9:00.
I wish I could say that I came into our bedtime routine with the same level of enthusiasm, intentionality and energy. Well a couple of months ago it felt like we were limping to the finish line of getting the kids to bed and I found myself just going through the motions. In fact that’s really how you can define being in a rut. A rut is when you go through the motions of parenting. You do the same things over and over without much thought or intentionality. So how do you get out of a rut? No one wins when we find ourselves in this place, not our kids, spouses or us. Well here are three steps to freshen things up, re-focus and get out of the rut!
Step 1: Realize you’re in it. You don’t know where you need to go if you don’t know where you are. Sometimes we don’t realize that we are in a rut so here are a couple of signs that you may in a rut…
1. There’s not much thought, passion or emotion behind your daily routines.
2. You’re not growing or making adjustments to your family in areas of; discipline, routine, spiritual matters, learning, etc.
3. You take the path of least resistance. Your kid takes a gummy wrapper and drops it on the floor in the Living Room and looks at you. It’s like he can smell your exhaustion and is testing you. You say “Pick that up and put it where it belongs” hoping with every fiber in your body that he will listen and not make you enforce this tense situation. He gives a bogus excuse and walks away and you make one more desperate attempt through a cracked voice, “Come back!” But he’s not coming back and there you lay on the couch. This is the path of least resistance and it’s a sign you’re in a rut.
Step 2: Identify why?
1. Busyness
2. Exhaustion (emotional & physical)
3. Lack of self-care (spiritually, physically and emotionally)
4. Stopped focusing on growth and learning in the area of parenting
Step 3: Realign your perspective through:
1. Dependence on God through prayer. You gotta get desparate. Begin praying and watch your attitude change!
2. Exposure to new ideas, resources. Sometimes we get stale and need some fresh ideas which is why it’s important to read, listen, watch and be in community with other parents so we can share what we’re doing.
3. Relying on the synergy of your marriage. Synergy is when the sum of the parts is greater than the whole. Simply put it means that you can accomplish a disproportionate amount together. When you realize you are in a rut, talk it out with your spouse because it is here that you can strategize, feed off of each other, and help share the load if adjustments need made. Maybe she needs a mom’s night out or help disciplining the kids.
You don’t have to stay in the rut. And even though it seems like you don’t have the energy to climb out, know that it’s just a season!